This Attitude Brought to You by...Rice & Beans Month

So we are at the 3/4 mark of our own family adventure with R&B Month.  While I doubt we've been as stringent as we probably could be, I'd like to think it's been a good learning experience overall.  Arden has discovered (to his great delight) that he really, really enjoys R&B recipes.  (Only one has been a bit of a dud for him, and truthfully, the rest of us weren't that impressed either.  Oh, Caribbean Black Beans, you sounded so good in the recipe book!)  Even Zaden has eaten many a dish with gusto, leaving starchy rice trails on his booster chair and smearing beans in his hair when his tummy is full.  Charis is proving that a growth spurt is surely on the way as she scarfs down three tortillas stuffed with whatever the day's concoction happens to be.  As for the others...well, while some dishes are well received, let's just say we are thankful that we nearly always have carrots and Ranch dip and/or apples and peanut butter on hand.

But Rice & Beans Month is about much more than the food.  And this is where it gets...interesting.

I would love to tell you that we gather as a family each night around the table or in the family room, reading our daily devotional from A Common Meal, praying for people around the world and making altruistic advances as we are overcome with gratitude for our blessings and the realization that so many needs are all around us.

But that would be a lie.

Our R&B devotional times are hit and miss...we can only pray that we "hit" the ones that God doesn't want us to miss.

Our tummies grumble throughout the day.  Oh, we're not even close to starving, even though it sounds like it from the whining echoing through the house (or car).  We've consciously tried to limit snacks, reminding the kids to "fill up" at meal time, and invariably the parental lecturing gene will kick in as we remind the kids that we enjoy 3 meals a day while others can't count on even 1 or 2 meals a day, let alone snacks.  And the words bounce off their pouty lips and glazed eyes, seemingly unheeded as a child reiterates, "But I'm HUNGRY!"

Our lack of thankfulness is appalling, given that we come face to face DAILY with blatant reminders of the abundance, even excess, that we enjoy/take for granted in so many ways.  And here my finger points at myself as much as or even more than at my offspring--instead of being grateful that my needs are constantly met, I focus on what petty little issue is bothering me at the moment.  (In case you were wondering, it currently happens to be the 16 or so mosquito bites on my face and neck.)

And the ATTITUDES!  Ouch.  A few nights ago our family dinner time involved one of the children sulking upstairs while the parents angrily stabbed their bites of food, barely concentrating on what the other children were discussing around the table as we tried to calm down and figure out how to deal with said sulker.  Thank the Lord for intervening--before we finished eating, a tearful apology was given and gratefully accepted, paving the way for some teaching moments.

Such moments come more frequently, I'm learning, when we are completely out of our comfort zone.  Let's face it, being hungry often leads to being crabby.  Even though we are conscious of the fact that food WILL be forthcoming, sibling arguments happen alarmingly close to the dinner hour.  It has not been uncommon for me to hear yelling and doors slamming right when I'm trying to put a new recipe together for the evening meal.  We've dealt with a level of disrespect and anger towards one another that is amazingly escalated--frankly, it's ugly.  It grieves my heart, because not only do I deal with it in the children, but also within myself.

I'm reminded that we wrestle NOT against flesh and blood.

We may be feeling hungry physically; we may be tired of a more simple diet.  We may be frustrated that friends around us are eating snacks and treats while we say, "No, thanks."

But that isn't the reason we struggle and strive against one another.  At least, I have become convinced that it's not.  While I can't prove this is the case, I am quite sure that our enemy is prowling around like a roaring lion, and we've inadvertently issued him a battle invitation:

Because we are deliberately choosing a period of denying self to follow Christ more closely.
Because we are doing something counter to what the world says is normal.
Because we have eternity in our hearts and desire to purge more of the temporal from our "must have" list.

Luke 4 says that Jesus was led into the wilderness, where for 40 days He was tempted by the devil.  He ate nothing for those 40 days, and at the end of them, "He was hungry."  (I'm guessing that is one of the biggest understatements in the Bible.)

Note that Satan didn't wait for those 40 days to conclude before he tempted Jesus...no, the temptations were going on the whole time.  And I'm willing to bet that the hunger pangs didn't wait 40 days to kick in, either.  I'm pretty sure Jesus felt those the whole time, too.  But in a time of extreme vulnerability, Jesus never sinned.  Never sulked. Never complained.  Never lashed out.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:15-16

My family and I are not starving in the wilderness, but we DO face temptation every day--as all people do, whether our bellies are full or not.  During this particular season as we experience R&B month, we find ourselves more acutely aware of the spiritual struggle that is ever present.  And while the teaching moments that "hit" may be less frequent than the ones that "miss," by God's mercy and grace, we ARE learning.  We ARE growing.  We ARE maturing.

Even while our stomachs are growling...no, especially while they're growling! :-)

Rice & Beans Month: What It Looks Like

In my last post, I discussed how we learned about R&B month and why we decided to participate.  Today I'll discuss a bit of the "how."

When our family began discussing whether to participate in this strange venture, I started by asking my friend India how her family "did" Rice & Beans month.  Did they ONLY eat rice and bean meals, meaning breakfast, lunch, AND dinner?  Or what?  She graciously took time to send me her own personal notes over the past several years' experience with this project.

I'm thankful for her input, because...being who I am...I probably could have easily become Pharisaical about this effort.  I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of person, and I like rules and guidelines that I can check off. That is NOT what R&B month is about, and I was grateful to see that the M family's experience varied greatly over the years.

I also read testimonials in the recipe/devotional book, A Common Meal: Reflections and Recipes for Rice & Beans Month.  I checked out the web site and the Facebook page, scouring to find ideas and encouragement from past participants.  I even began making some tentative meal plans.

And then we found out Ted was going TDY (temporary duty assignment) to Texas for 6 weeks, leaving March 1.

Um, yeah.

I decided I was NOT going to do this without him!  So we talked it over and agreed that we would postpone our own R&B month until sometime after his return.

And somehow the time between April 14 (his arrival back in Italy) and Mother's Day just FLEW!  As we looked at the calendar and saw summer and vacation plans looming, we realized that we had better get serious and just do this thing...or else give it up as a lost cause for 2013 and plan to participate next year.

Well, we had already begun discussions with the kids earlier in the year, so we felt accountable to follow through.  And we felt strongly that God has some lessons for us to learn, no matter how this first fumbling attempt turns out.

So we began the day after Mother's Day.  For us, R&B month looks like this:

• 4 weeks of 6 days each
• One "Celebration Day" each week, during which we are free to eat whatever the kids deem necessary for survival--they are taking turns planning meals!
• The Celebration Day also helps us allow for special outings/events.

Our "food rules" (which, frankly, are held pretty loosely) for the 6 days of R&B meals are as follows:

• No meat
• No junk (pre-processed foods)
• No snacks
• No desserts
• Limited dairy (I do have younger kiddos who still get their milk, and maybe once a week we will have a meal where I sparingly grate cheese over, say, a black bean burger patty or meatless chili.)

So do we NEVER get snacks?  Well, no.  I try to take into consideration what our activities are that day, plus whatever was served for lunch.  If I ONLY serve lentil stew and rice...and I know two of the kids really do not like lentil stew...well, we have sliced apples and peanut butter for a snack.

And do I really not use ANY pre-processed foods?  Well, no.  I decided to use up whatever cereal we had in the pantry, for example, but encourage oatmeal, grits, or breakfast rice (rice heated with milk, honey, cinnamon, raisins, whatever) when possible.  And I have not been able to find dried black beans that aren't in a soup mix at the commissary, so I've used canned black beans.  All our other beans are dried, though, and I soak and cook them in bulk.  I bake our own bread, which we use for PBJs since we are meat-free and doing very limited dairy.  I've popped stovetop popcorn in bulk--we have it for our family movie night, and then I do a few ziplock bags full for having for picnics (or, yes, snacks!) the next week.  

So this is how it has gone for us so far, and we are closing in on the end of week 2 already!  I must confess that I feel like we could be a lot more stringent...I'm at least trying to be a BIT harder on myself than the kids (I don't always have snacks when they do, for example, even though I could probably easily justify it with the pregnancy...and I do that occasionally, too!).  But considering this is our first attempt, and considering we aren't doing this in community with other R&Bers at the same time, I think we are doing all right!

Next R&B post: Some of the lessons we've been learning!

Of Rice, Beans, and Child Sponsorship

Over a year ago through some friends of ours I was introduced to Lahash International, an organization that partners with local ministries in Eastern Africa to "bring good news and holistic care to children in need."  I read about the Main family's involvement with Lahash's Rice & Beans Month and couldn't help but be intrigued.  I tucked away the idea for future reference and went on with my life...which at the time included waiting desperately for the last couple of months of a very long deployment to come to an end.

A few weeks after Ted's return from Afghanistan we ventured on a mega road trip that included serving at the Commission 2012 summer youth camp in Idaho, where I devoured a book called The Hole in Our Gospel during camp week.  Richard Stearns, CEO of World Vision USA, is the author, so already I had an intrinsic desire to read the book--we've been child sponsors through World Vision since my college days.  I'll write more at a later date about this book and the path it started me on (well, me and my dear hubby, who has been a fairly willing participant in my journey!), but I wanted to at least note the book here, because it definitely played a role in some steps our family began to take last fall.

Enter once again the Main family.  We received a letter from them detailing a great adventure--three of them would be traveling to Uganda to meet with their sponsored boy!  The team visit would coincide with the dedication of a new family-style house that would be home to a number of sponsored children and their care givers as well as a weekend camp-style retreat that volunteers were organizing for the kids.  At the same time the Mains were raising funds for their travels, their son Daniel decided to do a fundraiser of his own to help raise money for the Amazing Grace Children's Home project.  "Hoops for Homes" was a fun and inspired way for him to use his talent with a basketball and get his community involved in donating as well.

Cue our own family's interest and creativity...meanwhile, we were settling in a bit into life here in Italy, living in a two-bedroom apartment while waiting for a more permanent living situation to open up.  With some extra time (if not space) on our hands, Charis decided to begin her own fundraiser, "Bears for Bricks."  We cheered her on (and indulged her need to knit during school read-aloud time) as she knitted almost 40 bears.  (As an aside...now that we've finished the fundraiser, I really have NO IDEA how much money she raised, but I'm so proud of her for sticking with it and carrying out her vision to make this happen!)

The more we read about the Main family's Uganda trip preparations, and the more we read about Lahash as an organization, the more convinced we became that our family needed to get in on the exciting things God has been doing in East Africa!  In November we officially became sponsors of 5 children at AGCH, all of whom India, John, and Josiah got to meet when they went on their trip.

Sponsoring Godfrey, Jesca, Oliver, Morris, Kani, and (just recently) Sarah has been an incredible gateway for our kids' eyes to be opened to the vast needs in the world around us.  Our kids have never truly known what it is to be "starving" (though they would argue that fact an hour before dinner).  They have never lacked for clothing.  They have never hurt for living space, despite a bigger-than-average family size.  They don't have to walk anywhere to fetch water; they have hours of free time that in other parts of the world would find them slaving over basic survival tasks.

The J kids have connected with their new friends in East Africa by writing letters back and forth and seeing their pictures, both in the mail and online through blogs, Facebook groups, etc.  When we learned that "our" kids were having to walk over a mile each way for decent water, we were motivated by love and concern to spread the word about Lahash's need for funds for drilling a well on the AGCH property.  When we saw pictures of Godfrey and Jesca with the mattresses they received for Christmas--and when it dawned on the kids that this was the FIRST TIME these kids have been able to sleep comfortably on a regular basis--well, that was a powerful teaching moment.  When we saw the smiles of Oliver, Morris, and Kani as they held up their backpacks or proudly modeled new clothes, we felt their joy while at the same time feeling somewhat ashamed of whatever our complaint-of-the-day happened to be.

So it seemed a natural step for our family to join with Lahash in observing Rice & Beans Month.

1. Solidarity--joining with our friends around the world who don't have the options and variety that we enjoy in their food habits.
2. Simplicity--getting rid of excesses and non-essentials so we can focus on what's really important.
3. Sharing--simplifying our diets so that we can share our extra resources to help meet the nutritional needs of vulnerable children across East Africa.

I need to wrap this up...a delicious concoction known as "Dan's Ginger & Zucchini Beans" is simmering on the stove, and it's time for me to heat up some rice to go with it!  In my next post, I'll write in detail about Rice & Beans Month...how our family is approaching it this year and some of our personal thoughts about the experience.

Cuma

One of two possible locations for Sybil, the oracle of Greek legends, and the legendary site of Daedalus and his ill-fated son Icarus (who flew too close to the sun so that it melted the wax on his wings), Cuma's ruins are less than a 15-minute drive from our house.  This was another great place to explore, although it took much more time and energy than our trip to Capua the day before!  It was good we went early, as it turned out to be a very hot day, and busloads of kids swarmed the grounds as we were making our descent from the temple ruins at the top of the hillside overlooking the coast and the islands of Procida and Ischia.

Just outside the trapezoid-shaped tunnel that supposedly led to the oracle.

Headed up the hillside to see the ruins.

Beautiful walkway!

Had to grab a Sonlight book to review Greek mythology!

If I remember correctly...this was formerly a temple to the sun god? 

Posing like statues!

Getting amorous in the temple of Jove!

Ceremonial well

Capua Amphitheater

One of our day trips during Ted's brief leave time following his Texas TDY was to the second-biggest Roman amphitheater in Italy (after Rome's Colosseum).  This is where Spartacus became famous!  It is less than an hour's drive from our home, and it was the perfect place to spend a morning exploring.  The weather was beautiful--starting to get hot by the time we left.  The spaces underground were nice and cool, though, so I can see this being a fun place to go in the summer with a picnic lunch!  The kids had so much fun playing hide and seek!  Since children are free to enter, we only paid a few euros...parking was free and available on the street, easy to access since we were there on a weekday before lunch.  I'm sure we'll be back with visitors someday!

Just outside the entrance...gives an idea of how big it is. The building to the right is a small museum.

Overlooking the arena

Underneath the arena--love this shot!  You can see why the kids enjoyed exploring it so!

Nice picture, Ted!!

Too bad I didn't think of having my baby belly photo bomb this picture!

Kenna and Charis look at the replica of what is and what (likely) was.

Real armor! Tobin says, "I gotta get me some of those!"

Catch-Up Post

Oh. My. Goodness!  Time to update!  Bullet highlights time with more detailed posts to follow...

• We survived a 6-week separation while Ted was in Texas for training for his new job.  He returned April 14.  Woohoo!
• During his absence, Lucan turned 4!

• Ted got to celebrate his birthday and Easter with his family in Colorado.  It was a quick trip but a blessing for all of them.
• He also spent a weekend with dear friends of ours, Chas and Melinda P.
• While he was gone, Charis and I went to Paris for a weekend with two other moms and 3 daughters.  Wonderful families took care of my other 5 children, and I welcomed the break and the opportunity to have some girl time with friends and my firstborn!

• Tobin turned 11 the day before Ted returned home, so we waited a bit to celebrate together.

• The week after Ted came home we had our ultrasound and learned we are having another BOY!
• Ted had to hit the office immediately and was put to work...not even allowing time for jet lag recovery!
• But the second week he was home he did manage to get a few days of leave time, so we took some day trips.
• First day trip:  Capua Amphitheater, an ancient gladiator training school.  So fun to explore!
• Second trip:  Cuma, Greek ruins close to the coast.
• Third: We left the younger 3 with a babysitter and took the older ones downtown to see the Naples Archaeological Museum and then take the Naples Underground tour.
• We finally finished Year 2 of American History and took some time off school.
• Our next box of curriculum--covering the Eastern Hemisphere--arrived, and we got a slow but eager start...might as well keep on rolling since we already know we'll need some time off for traveling this summer and when the baby comes.
• Our semester of PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) studies wrapped up, so my teaching duties (The Hole in Our Gospel) are over.
• However...I kept pretty busy planning "Slaves No More," a mini-conference about human trafficking that we hosted this past Friday night.  God is so good!!  Can't wait to tell you about this event!
• We celebrated Mother's Day in a low-key way yesterday, opting to forego an expensive dinner out and instead stay home and simplify.  The kids decided the movie Brave was a good Mother's Day themed choice, so my gifts included the movie (which we of course watched!), beautiful flowers, and a crocheted hat from Charis!

And that about summarizes the last 5-6 weeks or so!  I'll try to post more pics and details about our adventures in days to come, but at least this helps get me caught up so when I look back there isn't quite as big of a gaping hole in the 2013 journaling!

Sympathizing with Saul

This is a random, what-I-learned-during-my-quiet-time-this-morning post, simply because I was so struck by a "new" lesson in a familiar story.  And by "new lesson" I mean "one that God has to keep re-teaching me" because I can be a stubborn fool!

Our read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year program this year has been The Message: Remix.  Today's Old Testament reading was from 1 Samuel 13-15.  Below is what I wrote in my prayer journal...

************
Oh, Father!

It seems so easy to judge Saul for not obeying you; yet when I read this version of the account of him making the sacrifice without Samuel--my heart trembles!  I can just picture myself doing this!  Sam doesn't show up when he said he would, soldiers are leaving left and right, the Philistines are closing in--oh, I can just see myself trying to control the situation, taking matters into my own hands.  I like action.  I don't like waiting!  Especially when circumstances seem dire.

Wow.  As I keep reading, I see a clear contrast between Saul and Jonathan.  Jonathan was moved to action...he didn't want to sit around and wait, either!  But, as he speaks to his armor bearer, he refers to God multiple times--God's deliverance, God's salvation, God's working.  He proposes a course of action that involves a clear sign from God as to whether or not to proceed.  Not surprisingly, God honors this approach!

Oh, Lord!  Help me learn to wait on you first, not as a last resort!  The desires you've given me are your desires.  You will see them through to their completion.  You don't need my help!  Teach me to rest in you instead of frantically trying to make puzzle pieces fit together.  The pieces I'm working with now may very well not yet include the ones I need!  You will send what I need...when I need it.

Of Guilt and Rationalization

I recently read an excellent blog post that has circulated the Facebook world, A Letter to Young Mothers.  The author expresses beautifully what I've been learning along my own parenting journey.  It struck me, as I pondered the ups and downs of life as a parent, that instead of being content in the Room of Grace, I too often fluctuate between the extremes of guilt and rationalization.  (See the excellent book The Cure for a treatise on pleasing God vs. trusting God, i.e. living in the Room of Good Intentions vs. living in the Room of Grace.)

Example: I've only exercised 5 days in a row the past two months because of sickness and lower back pain.  I've all but given up on the idea of having a healthy body during this pregnancy, so I've been consuming alarming amounts of junk food.  (Having an all-or-nothing personality isn't something I'm proud of...)  Instead of allowing myself a treat now and then and enjoying it in an emotionally healthy manner, I alternately beat myself up with guilt for "blowing it" or rationalize to myself that I "deserved it."  Neither extreme is a comfortable place to be--and the ironic thing is, any pleasure or comfort I may otherwise have received from my dark chocolate or my crunchy, salty chips ends up replaced by feelings of self-loathing (guilt) or attempted indifference (rationalization).

Yesterday morning I kind of had an epiphany of sorts--and it came in the framework of homeschooling.  We’re floundering somewhat with Ted gone for a 6-week training class in the States.  We are at the end of our American History curriculum but not quite ready to jump into our next Core.  (I have a lot of organizing to do first!)  So, as we wrap up some loose ends, counting down these last 20 or so days until Ted's return, I am just trying to hang on and survive while dealing with lower back pain, exhaustion, and the general chaos that exists in a house with 6 children and a pregnant, hormonal mom.  Our regular daily schedule has been set aside and we literally take one day (moment even) at a time.  I do not cope well with this type of living!

So Monday morning, as I was considering what I thought maybe the kids should do as far as schoolwork that day, I was praying, “Lord, what do YOU want us to get done today?”  And I actually think I detected a note of exasperation in His reply!  I can't type out a word-for-word response that I heard in my heart, but it was along the lines of…really, it doesn't matter WHAT you do [in the realm of math, language arts, etc.]!  What matters is HOW you do it!

When we view eternity…when we’re living in God’s forever kingdom…will my kids have grown in the grace and knowledge of Jesus?  Will they know that He loves them fiercely because I as their mom showed them such love?  Will they have been empowered and equipped to carry the gospel to those who need it and to show love and compassion to everyone regardless of whether it’s easy or convenient?

THOSE are the things that are important.  And I know that, and I tell myself that, and I tell others that (especially newer homeschooling moms), but I still find myself playing this guilt game over not having a clean enough house or an organized enough schedule or being “behind” in this or that.  Behind according to whom or what?!  Good grief.  We've made life so complicated.  It doesn't need to be.  It shouldn't be.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 

1 Cor. 10:31

So whether I eat dark chocolate...or drink coffee...or teach grammar...or wipe a dirty bottom...or tell a child for the 5th time to take his dirty dishes to the sink...or whatever I do...

...I want it to be all for the glory of God.

I want it to count for eternity.

I don't want to waste the moment wallowing in guilt.

I don't want to waste it rationalizing my choices.

Through Jesus Christ I am justified...sanctified...righteous and holy in His sight.  Absolutely I still struggle with sin.  But I dwell in the Room of Grace.  And if my sovereign, holy God gives me grace...shouldn't I give myself some, too?  And shouldn't I be eager to extend it to all those around me?  Actually, it often seems easier to extend grace to everyone else except myself...and those closest to me.  Why do I hold myself (and even my children) to a higher standard than I would expect of others?  I suppose that could be a topic to explore another time...

In the meantime, I'm choosing, in these weeks of "flux," to focus less on the concrete tasks that I would typically write on my planner.  Instead, I want to pursue some of those more elusive ideals of life.  My to-do list might look something more like this:

• Sing of God's love to and with my kids
• Read more stories--Bible stories AND fairy tales
• Cuddle
• Tell my 10-year-old what an awesome kid I think he is
• Actually listen to my 4-year-old when he tells me the saga of the pirate ship he has built out of math blocks and Lincoln logs
• Dance with my 6-year-old in the kitchen
• Spend some alone time with my 12-year-old and give her a safe place to discuss what's on her heart
• Throw the football with my 9-year-old...assuming we can get it down from the ledge between our yard and the neighbors'.  (Sigh.)

No guilt over what isn't "being accomplished."  No rationalizing my need for "alone time."  

Only grace...grace given, grace received.

Zaden at 18 Months

Just a few things I hope I always remember about our sweet boy at this stage of his life...

• He still sucks his thumb and has callouses on BOTH thumbs.
• He twirls his hair when he is tired and has on multiple occasions twirled it into a complete knot that can only be solved with a pair of scissors.
• He loves nap time--he smiles and makes the sign for nap or sleep when we announce it's time.  I've never had a kid nap so easily!
• When we put him down to sleep, he must have:
• Fuzzy monkey in one corner of his crib (by his head)
• Fuzzy bumblebee in the other corner of his crib
• The windows SHUT (I tried to leave them open one nice day and he was not impressed)
• His blanket on top of his back, since he is a tummy sleeper
• And he still enjoys the background noises from his giraffe from Grandma J.
• When we carry Zaden downstairs, he waves at all the family photos that line the wall, smiling at the people.
• One of his current favorite activities is toddling around the house holding as many smallish random objects as possible: a wooden block, a wadded up piece of paper, a stray Lego, and a Lincoln log, for example.
• He isn't speaking much still, but he definitely comprehends a lot.  His "yes" and "no" nods are endearingly definite.
• Not sure if this is the result of being such a late walker or if it's just part of HIM right now, but he walks like he just got off a horse!
• He wore a romper yesterday, the first time in shorts since last summer, and oh, my goodness...the pudgy little legs and knees!  Love!
• He gives kisses now...big, happy, wide-mouthed, wet kisses.  I love them.  I love him!

Sir Lucan & the Princess

Charis helped Kenna and Lucan make this stinkin' cute video yesterday while I was running some errands. Lucan the Knight saves Princess Kenna by cutting off the head of a dragon.  He then shyly asks, "Will you marry me?" and they ride off into the sunset!