It was the fall of 2011. Zaden was a needy infant (if you don't know our backstory with Zaden's weight loss and feeding issues, you can check my blog archives from Sept and Oct 2011), and I was an exhausted mother of 6 trying to keep things together at the front end of a year-long deployment. It was not a season of life that allowed for ease in picking up and leaving the house for a Bible study, so I eagerly and gratefully accepted the opportunity to do an independent study of Priscilla Shirer's Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted study at home, watching the DVD sessions on my laptop and doing the daily studies in my own workbook. The topic seemed especially pertinent to my life at the time!
During one of the video sessions, Priscilla talked about the Greek word rhema, meaning a specific word from the Lord. I had learned about this word a few years prior, during a ladies' Bible study of Beth Moore's, John, the Beloved Disciple, and I actually remembered being struck by the subject matter to the point of making notes in my own Bible as I listened to the instruction.
Anyway, there I was...sitting in my kitchen, nursing baby Zaden, taking notes and listening to Priscilla talk about how Jonah had received a rhema word from the Lord, a specific message from God. And suddenly I knew God was putting a rhema word in my own heart. I "heard" the message, clear as day: There will be a girl, and her name will be Rhema. It was so clear I actually stopped the video and sat with my heart pounding for awhile. What?! I was so overwhelmed just trying to keep up with the day-to-day needs of the 6 children we had...I couldn't even imagine having another baby then or ever.
I journaled about the experience in my private prayer journal, recording my thoughts and reactions, and I prayed much over it, but I didn't tell anyone until Ted was home a few months later for his two-week R&R time. We prayed together about God's plans for our family but held this close to our hearts.
Life moved on. We made it through the rest of our year-long separation, welcoming Ted home in May of 2012. We eagerly embraced our new adventure: moving overseas to Naples, Italy, for our next assignment. Amidst the flurry of life in a different country, we learned another child would join our family. I assumed this was our little girl Rhema, about whom I felt God had told me more than a year previously.
But...ha, ha! The ultrasound revealed we were having a BOY! And I knew God had given us Rhema as a girl's name! So, as we welcomed to the family our chunky little boy, Seanin Gabriel, I filed away the thoughts, questions, and perplexity I was feeling at the time. After reading and teaching Richard Stearns' book The Hole in Our Gospel, I wondered if perhaps God would lead us to adopt a little girl someday, and perhaps HER name would be Rhema.
But as you probably already know, God knit Rhema together in my own womb in His own perfect timing. A week after I had completed the Athens Marathon in 2014, I took a pregnancy test and wasn't terribly surprised to see that it was positive. The due date of July 20 seemed rather puzzling to me--we were scheduled to move in August 2015, and moving overseas with a newborn did not sound appealing. With that thought putting a bit of a damper on things, Ted and I kept the news to ourselves for awhile, waiting to surprise the kids and Grandma J with an announcement on Christmas morning.
As always, God's timing proves to be ever so perfect...what we didn't know when we saw those two pink lines was that God had already chosen for Ted to be assigned to a squadron command job that would begin at the end of May, causing us to have to make the overseas move nearly 3 months ahead of schedule! And not only that, but the Lord gave us an assignment in Nebraska, smack in the middle of the country with our families located about the same distance away from us in either direction!
Honestly, we know by now that we can trust our good and gracious Father God. Sometimes we may wonder while we wait, but we KNOW His ways are perfect!
A couple of months after we started sharing the news, an ultrasound confirmed what I suspected to be true: this baby was a GIRL! And I felt peace that she was indeed our little Rhema whom God had planned all along to be a part of our family, just as He knows each and every one of us from ages past, before the foundations of the earth were laid. What an amazing God we have!
Showing posts with label Spiritual life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual life. Show all posts
December 28, 2015
December 12, 2013
Life with 7
Occasionally these days I'm asked how life is with seven children. Here are some ramblings that address the question, if not answer it...I'm not sure I have an answer!
So. I thought life spun out of control after I had our third child in three years.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Pardon me while I wipe away a tear from laughing so hard. If only I had known what life would be like 10 years later! Actually, it's probably best I didn't know...although I'm so thankful that none of this caught God by surprise.
(Seriously...when did 3, 4, or 5 kids become "only" 3, 4, or 5 kids?!)
I'd like to think that I've grown and matured at least a little during our parenting journey. And one thing I've learned is not to wait around for the next stage of life...in other words, telling myself it will be better/easier/more delightful after X, Y, or Z happens (potty training, sleeping through the night, independent walking, whatever). My current mantra often has me wandering the house in a daze, muttering under my breath that I can sleep when I'm dead, or at least when the kids go to college.
But the truth is, I don't have time to wait around until we have an empty nest! I'm desperately trying to squeeze the life out of the fleeting moments we have every day. With perspective that comes only after the 7th child is born, I find myself constantly reminding the Type A part of my increasingly schizo personality that someday, SOMEDAY, I will look back on these days and remember when my babies were young and wish that I could cuddle them as wee ones again.
Oh, I've heard that sentiment since I was pregnant with our first child. And I would nod and try to assume a manner of wisdom by association rather than experience, knowing it was true in my head but not yet in my heart. And then Charis arrived, and suddenly I blinked and she celebrated her 13th birthday.
Wait. Did that just happen?!
Why, yes. Yes, it did. On October 18, 2013, my baby girl turned 13. And I see her gangling arms and legs as her body is growing, listen to her mature wisdom as she counsels younger siblings, hug her close and kiss the top of her head, no longer stooping over to do so. Knowing she is watching me closely, I strive harder to display a patient, gentle spirit that certainly didn't appear very often in my early days of motherhood. (Prayerfully, she will not remember the days when Mommy turned--and still sometimes turns--into a raging, hormonal maniac!) I hope Charis sees me leaning on the Lord for strength and peace in the midst of seeming chaos. I hope she sees me smiling more than frowning, encouraging more than lecturing.
As a more seasoned mom, it's slightly (EVER so slightly) easier to close my eyes, take a big breath, and then smile...when the 2-year-old is drawing with marker on the wall...when the 11-year-old is telling the same old jokes instead of clearing the table...when the baby has awakened halfway through his nap (yet again interrupting our homeschool)...when the independent 6-year-old is "helping" in the kitchen...when the 2-year-old is still screaming and shaking with rage because Mom took the marker away...when the 4-year-old is melting down because his Lego creation is now in pieces in the hands of his little brother...
Many days, it is true, all of this happens and I am utterly, completely overwhelmed. Many days I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Spent. Done. Even when I'm plagued with feelings of doubt and guilt, though, it's JUST a bit easier than it was in the earlier days of parenting to remind myself there is meaning and purpose in all of my activities, even ones that involve slogging through piles of laundry and dirty diapers.
It's JUST a bit easier to tell myself...
In the scheme of eternity, this doesn't matter.
A messy house.
A ruined dinner.
Piles of laundry.
Sleepless nights.
Spit up.
Stretch marks.
Sticky floors.
Toddler tantrums.
Missed workouts.
In the scheme of eternity, this matters!
Unconditional love.
Time in God's Word.
Acceptance (of self and those around me.)
Relationships.
Time with loved ones.
Hugs.
Kisses.
Snuggles.
Smiles.
Laughter.
These days, I feel the pull more than ever, the struggle between what IS and what I want it to be. But I'm still learning. I'm trying to take the advice other moms told me 13 years ago when I carried my baby girl. "Enjoy these days! They go by so fast."
It's cliche, perhaps, but it's true: The days are long but the years are short. Oh, so short. I had a sobering conversation recently with my older three children centered around the fact that they have fewer years left under our roof as minors than they have already spent with us. Eeeep! Oh, let my little--and big--children come to me! Let me bless them and remind them that the kingdom of God is made of such as themselves! Let them come and ask--demand, even--the gift of my presence. And let me be fully there with them in that moment.
Yes, baby Seanin, I'll snuggle your sweet self a little longer when you wake me up at night for an unexpected feeding.
Yes, sweet Zaden, I'll read you that story one more time, even though we just read it 5 minutes ago. And 10 minutes before that. And half an hour before that.
Yes, little Lucan, I'll hold you like a baby and chant our little saying, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always..."
Yes, dear Kenna, I'll let you help me make the muffins, even though you slow me down and clouds of flour will puff all over the counter and floor.
Yes, Arden, I will clear the table and play a game of Dutch Blitz with you, even though part of me was hoping for a few minutes to read.
Yes, Tobin, I'll listen to your saga of the latest computer game conquest. I may not have a clue what is happening in that world, but I'll listen.
Yes, Charis, we can snuggle under the blankets and read "our" book together and talk about girl stuff. Life. Love.
And yes, dear husband Ted, I will ALWAYS make time for you. If being a mom is a hard job, so is being the dad who works hard to allow Mom to stay home with the kids. And you, dear daddy of our 7, make it such a joy and honor to be these kids' mommy. You never complain when dinner is late or consists of leftovers. You don't mind stepping over shoes and toys (although you are so good about making sure the children clean up after themselves!) and don't blame me when the laundry has piled up so high you must launch rescue efforts to help us dig our way to the bottom. You teach the kids to appreciate what we give them and to honor me as their mother. (You'll be pleased to know Lucan presented me with a Lego flower he made yesterday morning!) You encourage me when I'm struggling and shower me with sincere words of appreciation. You act as though my stretch marks are in fact beauty marks, and you delight in who I am, not what I sometimes wish I could look like. You, my lover, are a gift.
Our life with 7 kids? Chaotic. Noisy. Messy. And yes, overwhelming. Seanin has been with us 4 months and we are STILL adjusting. I think we will always be "adjusting," no matter what phase of life we are in. But I hope, I pray, that we are learning that the adjustment process IS life. We don't, CAN'T, put life on hold until we "feel organized." Feelings and circumstances change. I must set my mind on things above, realizing that so much of what makes up this life is temporary, yet understanding that God uses the temporal to shape us for eternity.
So. I thought life spun out of control after I had our third child in three years.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Pardon me while I wipe away a tear from laughing so hard. If only I had known what life would be like 10 years later! Actually, it's probably best I didn't know...although I'm so thankful that none of this caught God by surprise.
(Seriously...when did 3, 4, or 5 kids become "only" 3, 4, or 5 kids?!)
I'd like to think that I've grown and matured at least a little during our parenting journey. And one thing I've learned is not to wait around for the next stage of life...in other words, telling myself it will be better/easier/more delightful after X, Y, or Z happens (potty training, sleeping through the night, independent walking, whatever). My current mantra often has me wandering the house in a daze, muttering under my breath that I can sleep when I'm dead, or at least when the kids go to college.
But the truth is, I don't have time to wait around until we have an empty nest! I'm desperately trying to squeeze the life out of the fleeting moments we have every day. With perspective that comes only after the 7th child is born, I find myself constantly reminding the Type A part of my increasingly schizo personality that someday, SOMEDAY, I will look back on these days and remember when my babies were young and wish that I could cuddle them as wee ones again.
Oh, I've heard that sentiment since I was pregnant with our first child. And I would nod and try to assume a manner of wisdom by association rather than experience, knowing it was true in my head but not yet in my heart. And then Charis arrived, and suddenly I blinked and she celebrated her 13th birthday.
Wait. Did that just happen?!
Why, yes. Yes, it did. On October 18, 2013, my baby girl turned 13. And I see her gangling arms and legs as her body is growing, listen to her mature wisdom as she counsels younger siblings, hug her close and kiss the top of her head, no longer stooping over to do so. Knowing she is watching me closely, I strive harder to display a patient, gentle spirit that certainly didn't appear very often in my early days of motherhood. (Prayerfully, she will not remember the days when Mommy turned--and still sometimes turns--into a raging, hormonal maniac!) I hope Charis sees me leaning on the Lord for strength and peace in the midst of seeming chaos. I hope she sees me smiling more than frowning, encouraging more than lecturing.
As a more seasoned mom, it's slightly (EVER so slightly) easier to close my eyes, take a big breath, and then smile...when the 2-year-old is drawing with marker on the wall...when the 11-year-old is telling the same old jokes instead of clearing the table...when the baby has awakened halfway through his nap (yet again interrupting our homeschool)...when the independent 6-year-old is "helping" in the kitchen...when the 2-year-old is still screaming and shaking with rage because Mom took the marker away...when the 4-year-old is melting down because his Lego creation is now in pieces in the hands of his little brother...
Many days, it is true, all of this happens and I am utterly, completely overwhelmed. Many days I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Spent. Done. Even when I'm plagued with feelings of doubt and guilt, though, it's JUST a bit easier than it was in the earlier days of parenting to remind myself there is meaning and purpose in all of my activities, even ones that involve slogging through piles of laundry and dirty diapers.
It's JUST a bit easier to tell myself...
In the scheme of eternity, this doesn't matter.
A messy house.
A ruined dinner.
Piles of laundry.
Sleepless nights.
Spit up.
Stretch marks.
Sticky floors.
Toddler tantrums.
Missed workouts.
In the scheme of eternity, this matters!
Unconditional love.
Time in God's Word.
Acceptance (of self and those around me.)
Relationships.
Time with loved ones.
Hugs.
Kisses.
Snuggles.
Smiles.
Laughter.
These days, I feel the pull more than ever, the struggle between what IS and what I want it to be. But I'm still learning. I'm trying to take the advice other moms told me 13 years ago when I carried my baby girl. "Enjoy these days! They go by so fast."
It's cliche, perhaps, but it's true: The days are long but the years are short. Oh, so short. I had a sobering conversation recently with my older three children centered around the fact that they have fewer years left under our roof as minors than they have already spent with us. Eeeep! Oh, let my little--and big--children come to me! Let me bless them and remind them that the kingdom of God is made of such as themselves! Let them come and ask--demand, even--the gift of my presence. And let me be fully there with them in that moment.
Yes, baby Seanin, I'll snuggle your sweet self a little longer when you wake me up at night for an unexpected feeding.
Yes, sweet Zaden, I'll read you that story one more time, even though we just read it 5 minutes ago. And 10 minutes before that. And half an hour before that.
Yes, little Lucan, I'll hold you like a baby and chant our little saying, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always..."
Yes, dear Kenna, I'll let you help me make the muffins, even though you slow me down and clouds of flour will puff all over the counter and floor.
Yes, Arden, I will clear the table and play a game of Dutch Blitz with you, even though part of me was hoping for a few minutes to read.
Yes, Tobin, I'll listen to your saga of the latest computer game conquest. I may not have a clue what is happening in that world, but I'll listen.
Yes, Charis, we can snuggle under the blankets and read "our" book together and talk about girl stuff. Life. Love.
And yes, dear husband Ted, I will ALWAYS make time for you. If being a mom is a hard job, so is being the dad who works hard to allow Mom to stay home with the kids. And you, dear daddy of our 7, make it such a joy and honor to be these kids' mommy. You never complain when dinner is late or consists of leftovers. You don't mind stepping over shoes and toys (although you are so good about making sure the children clean up after themselves!) and don't blame me when the laundry has piled up so high you must launch rescue efforts to help us dig our way to the bottom. You teach the kids to appreciate what we give them and to honor me as their mother. (You'll be pleased to know Lucan presented me with a Lego flower he made yesterday morning!) You encourage me when I'm struggling and shower me with sincere words of appreciation. You act as though my stretch marks are in fact beauty marks, and you delight in who I am, not what I sometimes wish I could look like. You, my lover, are a gift.
Our life with 7 kids? Chaotic. Noisy. Messy. And yes, overwhelming. Seanin has been with us 4 months and we are STILL adjusting. I think we will always be "adjusting," no matter what phase of life we are in. But I hope, I pray, that we are learning that the adjustment process IS life. We don't, CAN'T, put life on hold until we "feel organized." Feelings and circumstances change. I must set my mind on things above, realizing that so much of what makes up this life is temporary, yet understanding that God uses the temporal to shape us for eternity.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
November 09, 2013
Tobin's Decision
Last Saturday was momentous for Tobin and for our family--he accepted Jesus as his Savior! Here is the full story with as many details as I can remember, along with his own testimony I had him write out during the week...
In Tobin's words...
On Saturday I had a talk with Mom. Arden was at Laser tag for Noah M’s birthday party. I confessed that I felt like there was something inside of me making me do bad things and making me a bully. I also wanted to play video games nonstop. At first I thought that I was becoming addicted to them, but then I realized that it was probably the thing inside making me. We read some Bible verses and talked for a little bit about them. Then mom asked me if I thought that I had really asked Jesus into my heart. She said that she didn’t remember when I did it with her. The only times that I did it, I was alone. We talked a bit longer, and then we prayed to God. Then I accepted Jesus into my heart, and immediately I could feel that the thing that was inside was gone. I also felt a lot happier. That night, I told Dad about my choice. He was very happy also. The next day we told Chaplain Keith. He was so excited!
In my words...
Saturday afternoon, about an hour or so before Ted was to leave to take our older boys to a laser tag birthday party, there was an incident involving some inappropriate behavior on Tobin's part. Because he knew full well that what he did was wrong, we told him he would have to stay home from the party. This of course did not go over well, and Tobin stormed up to his room to sulk. I had my hands full with a screaming baby and extra girls who were coming over to play with Charis and Kenna for a little while, so I wasn't really in a position to pursue Tobin and deal further with what had happened...I figured I'd let him sit and think about it for awhile and hopefully talk with him later when he was calmer.
Well, it wasn't too long before Tobin came to find me, tearfully asking if we could talk in my room. I settled Seanin down and was able to give Tobin my full attention, a small miracle in and of itself given the state of chaos in the house!
As Tobin wrote in the paragraph above, he started off by telling me that he knew that what he had done was wrong, but then as at other times, he felt something inside him telling him to do something bad. He was so tearful and broken up about it. Praying for wisdom and the right words to speak, I began asking him a few questions, led I'm sure by the Holy Spirit, gently prodding him to think about whether he had ever truly asked Jesus into his life.
For years now Tobin has had the same salvation story--he remembers sitting on his bed and praying to God to ask Him to forgive him and come into his life. The description of the house where we were at the time means that Tobin was somewhere between 3 1/2 and 4 years old when he says he did this. I've never discounted this story; I've always felt that there was something to it, because he persisted in telling us this whenever we discussed our relationships with Christ. At the same time, I've always wondered...just a bit...only because neither Ted nor I was present with him, and he was SO young. Also, he has never wanted to be baptized, even though he has seen Charis and Arden go forward with that step in their faith.
So over the years, I kept quiet and just prayed, going with the assumption that Tobin was indeed born again and praying that God would reveal Himself to Tobin clearly if that weren't actually the case.
On Saturday, we talked for quite some time. I was so heartbroken to hear Tobin say that sometimes he "heard voices" in his head, basically telling him he would be better off to die and go to heaven. :-( Oh, our enemy does indeed prowl like a roaring lion! Over the years we have had some significant times of what we felt was intense spiritual warfare surrounding Tobin. He struggled with nightmares for a season while we lived in Las Vegas. He has struggled with insecurity and nervous habits (his latest is pulling at his eyelashes--his right eye has almost no lashes!). And there has just always been something we couldn't directly pinpoint, something different about his heart, his behavior, his responses. He always had the "right" answer, yet he struggled with certain spiritual issues.
During our talk on Saturday, Tobin also said that he had experienced times when he wasn't even sure if there really IS a God. We talked about faith, how no matter how much evidence there is (we've been talking about that during our science lessons as we see the remarkable complexity of life!), ultimately our decision to follow Jesus is a step of faith...leading to a walk of faith.
Oh, how precious is the Word of God! I am so thankful for the many verses I had to memorize during my growing up years as well as for opportunities to continually study the Bible. We went to verse after verse, particularly places in John and 1 John, showing Tobin how he can know and have confidence in his salvation. Tearfully we held hands and both of us prayed. Tobin prayed specifically for Jesus to forgive him and be his Savior. Oh, the joy!
The difference was immediate! Instead of going to his room to spend time by himself, he began playing with the house full of girls who were here until dinner time! He was happy, joyful, helpful. His smile was radiant. He was positively beaming!
It has been a week now, and I can honestly say that I feel as if we have a new kid living in our house! While he isn't perfect by any stretch, wow, what a difference I have seen in his attitude and behavior. And he is somehow just more sincere--when he offers to help me, I feel as if he truly wants to, whereas before often I would feel that he just wanted to get something out of it...for example, knowing he couldn't play a video game until/unless the cleaning was done.
Perhaps Tobin had the beginning of a spiritual journey during that time he prayed as a small boy in his bed by himself. But last Saturday was truly a turning point for him. I can't wait to see what God has for him! I have always felt that he may be called to a preaching role some day--a nickname Ted and I have for him is "The Proclaimer." :-) It will be a delight to watch him continue to grow in his faith!
In Tobin's words...
On Saturday I had a talk with Mom. Arden was at Laser tag for Noah M’s birthday party. I confessed that I felt like there was something inside of me making me do bad things and making me a bully. I also wanted to play video games nonstop. At first I thought that I was becoming addicted to them, but then I realized that it was probably the thing inside making me. We read some Bible verses and talked for a little bit about them. Then mom asked me if I thought that I had really asked Jesus into my heart. She said that she didn’t remember when I did it with her. The only times that I did it, I was alone. We talked a bit longer, and then we prayed to God. Then I accepted Jesus into my heart, and immediately I could feel that the thing that was inside was gone. I also felt a lot happier. That night, I told Dad about my choice. He was very happy also. The next day we told Chaplain Keith. He was so excited!
In my words...
Saturday afternoon, about an hour or so before Ted was to leave to take our older boys to a laser tag birthday party, there was an incident involving some inappropriate behavior on Tobin's part. Because he knew full well that what he did was wrong, we told him he would have to stay home from the party. This of course did not go over well, and Tobin stormed up to his room to sulk. I had my hands full with a screaming baby and extra girls who were coming over to play with Charis and Kenna for a little while, so I wasn't really in a position to pursue Tobin and deal further with what had happened...I figured I'd let him sit and think about it for awhile and hopefully talk with him later when he was calmer.
Well, it wasn't too long before Tobin came to find me, tearfully asking if we could talk in my room. I settled Seanin down and was able to give Tobin my full attention, a small miracle in and of itself given the state of chaos in the house!
As Tobin wrote in the paragraph above, he started off by telling me that he knew that what he had done was wrong, but then as at other times, he felt something inside him telling him to do something bad. He was so tearful and broken up about it. Praying for wisdom and the right words to speak, I began asking him a few questions, led I'm sure by the Holy Spirit, gently prodding him to think about whether he had ever truly asked Jesus into his life.
For years now Tobin has had the same salvation story--he remembers sitting on his bed and praying to God to ask Him to forgive him and come into his life. The description of the house where we were at the time means that Tobin was somewhere between 3 1/2 and 4 years old when he says he did this. I've never discounted this story; I've always felt that there was something to it, because he persisted in telling us this whenever we discussed our relationships with Christ. At the same time, I've always wondered...just a bit...only because neither Ted nor I was present with him, and he was SO young. Also, he has never wanted to be baptized, even though he has seen Charis and Arden go forward with that step in their faith.
So over the years, I kept quiet and just prayed, going with the assumption that Tobin was indeed born again and praying that God would reveal Himself to Tobin clearly if that weren't actually the case.
On Saturday, we talked for quite some time. I was so heartbroken to hear Tobin say that sometimes he "heard voices" in his head, basically telling him he would be better off to die and go to heaven. :-( Oh, our enemy does indeed prowl like a roaring lion! Over the years we have had some significant times of what we felt was intense spiritual warfare surrounding Tobin. He struggled with nightmares for a season while we lived in Las Vegas. He has struggled with insecurity and nervous habits (his latest is pulling at his eyelashes--his right eye has almost no lashes!). And there has just always been something we couldn't directly pinpoint, something different about his heart, his behavior, his responses. He always had the "right" answer, yet he struggled with certain spiritual issues.
During our talk on Saturday, Tobin also said that he had experienced times when he wasn't even sure if there really IS a God. We talked about faith, how no matter how much evidence there is (we've been talking about that during our science lessons as we see the remarkable complexity of life!), ultimately our decision to follow Jesus is a step of faith...leading to a walk of faith.
Oh, how precious is the Word of God! I am so thankful for the many verses I had to memorize during my growing up years as well as for opportunities to continually study the Bible. We went to verse after verse, particularly places in John and 1 John, showing Tobin how he can know and have confidence in his salvation. Tearfully we held hands and both of us prayed. Tobin prayed specifically for Jesus to forgive him and be his Savior. Oh, the joy!
The difference was immediate! Instead of going to his room to spend time by himself, he began playing with the house full of girls who were here until dinner time! He was happy, joyful, helpful. His smile was radiant. He was positively beaming!
It has been a week now, and I can honestly say that I feel as if we have a new kid living in our house! While he isn't perfect by any stretch, wow, what a difference I have seen in his attitude and behavior. And he is somehow just more sincere--when he offers to help me, I feel as if he truly wants to, whereas before often I would feel that he just wanted to get something out of it...for example, knowing he couldn't play a video game until/unless the cleaning was done.
Perhaps Tobin had the beginning of a spiritual journey during that time he prayed as a small boy in his bed by himself. But last Saturday was truly a turning point for him. I can't wait to see what God has for him! I have always felt that he may be called to a preaching role some day--a nickname Ted and I have for him is "The Proclaimer." :-) It will be a delight to watch him continue to grow in his faith!
July 14, 2013
Rest
Is it just me, or does God have a gut-busting sense of humor?!
The book my PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) summer study group is reading is...
Rest: Living in Sabbath Simplicity, by Keri Wyatt Kent.
Bwahahaha! And here I am on bed rest, which allowed me to catch up on my homework reading, LOL. The session started in May, and we've kind of gone fairly slowly through the book--not everyone had a copy at first, and the chapters were long...and then our family vacation happened, so I didn't feel like I really got in a groove with the whole Bible study book routine like I have the past couple of semesters.
But I was excited about the topic, because it has crossed my radar more than once...the idea of being more intentional in creating a 24-hour period of true REST. In fact, we've even heard sermons (whole series even!) from our previous couple of pastors about this, as well as seen examples in the pastoral staff taking rest days (not Sundays!).
In theory, we absolutely agreed with the idea that "Remember the Sabbath day" was not a command that Christ came to abolish, despite what the Pharisees thought of his healing-at-the-synagogue tendencies.
In practice...well, we never really got around to figuring out just what a "Sabbath day" in the 21st century should look like. And then we moved into an Italian house a considerable drive from the Support Site Chapel, where we spent a good portion of our waking Sunday hours during the school year since the AWANA clubs meet Sunday afternoons. Between making two round trips, attending church, plus being involved in AWANA...well, Sundays began to feel more like work than rest. I gave up and soon began getting our groceries on Sundays as well. Since we were making the trip to SS, we might as well hit up the commissary, right?!
So reading this book has been very timely. For one thing, summer has slowed down drastically because of the break in AWANA, allowing us to focus on Sundays as our actual rest days. We aren't sure what the coming school year will look like as Ted takes over the AWANA Commander position, but for now, we've been purposeful about NOT going grocery shopping on Sundays, preparing meals in advance (or making sure there are enough leftovers!), and spending quality time with each other (and with a pillow, ha!) during the afternoons.
There's more to it than simply resting or avoiding work, though, and that's where this blog post comes in. I wanted to try to capsulize some of the things I've been mulling over as a result of reading this book so that I can share them with Ted (and anyone else who feels they don't have time to read the whole book!). I think the easiest thing is to simply quote some passages that have stood out to me so far...
*****************
"We can be intentional without becoming institutional" (p. 11).
"If we rest from shopping, buying, or even writing a shopping list, we reject the idea, if only for a while, that we are what we buy. If we rest from our work, from endless meetings and tasks, we reject the idea, if only for a day, that our value lies in our accomplishments" (p. 30).
"We are never fully engaged, and we never take time to disengage" (p. 31).
"In resting, you experience the abundant grace of God, a lavish gift never earned, only received. His presence relieves our soul loneliness in a way that no one and no thing ever could" (p. 50).
[Quoting Mark Buchanan from his book The Rest of God]: "The Exodus command, with its call to imitation, plays on a hidden irony: we mimic God in order to remember we're not God. In fact, that is a good definition of Sabbath: imitating God so that we stop trying to be God" (p. 73).
"Keeping Sabbath is not only about ceasing but also about celebrating. How? By taking the time to do simple things you always say you mean to do but never have time for" (p. 79).
[Another quote from Mark Buchanan's book The Rest of God]: "Sabbath is not the break we're allotted at the tail end of completing all our tasks and chores, the fulfillment of all our obligations. It's the rest we take smack-dab in the middle of them, without apology, without guilt, and for no better reason than that God told us we could" (p. 80).
"Our workaholic tendencies are often driven by fear--that we will not have enough; that if we don't accomplish, we don't have value. Sabbath-keeping challenges us to experience the provision of God and the unearned love of God" (p. 104).
"It's not nicer or better to say yes, because every time you say yes, you're saying no. Saying yes to one thing means you've said no to alternatives. Choose your yeses carefully" (p. 127).
[Regarding mothers/women in particular]: "Ironically, because we don't think of what we do as work, we never stop working" (p. 130).
"At each breath, we take only as much as we need for that moment. We breathe in and breathe out....But then we pause. The pause, in a typical breathing pattern, is about as long as the inhalation and exhalation combined" (p. 139).
"The key to endurance and strength is resting--not just once a week but on a regular basis" (p. 139).
"You do not have to be an Olympic-level Sabbath-keeper. The Sabbath was made for people, Jesus said. It's a tool you can use to become healthier spiritually--more connected with the God who loves you, more peaceful, more joyful. Not perfectly any of those things. Just healthier" (p. 167).
*********************
I still have one chapter left in the book. Some things I appreciate about the opportunity to read and learn from Kent's Rest:
The book my PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) summer study group is reading is...
Rest: Living in Sabbath Simplicity, by Keri Wyatt Kent.
Bwahahaha! And here I am on bed rest, which allowed me to catch up on my homework reading, LOL. The session started in May, and we've kind of gone fairly slowly through the book--not everyone had a copy at first, and the chapters were long...and then our family vacation happened, so I didn't feel like I really got in a groove with the whole Bible study book routine like I have the past couple of semesters.
But I was excited about the topic, because it has crossed my radar more than once...the idea of being more intentional in creating a 24-hour period of true REST. In fact, we've even heard sermons (whole series even!) from our previous couple of pastors about this, as well as seen examples in the pastoral staff taking rest days (not Sundays!).
In theory, we absolutely agreed with the idea that "Remember the Sabbath day" was not a command that Christ came to abolish, despite what the Pharisees thought of his healing-at-the-synagogue tendencies.
In practice...well, we never really got around to figuring out just what a "Sabbath day" in the 21st century should look like. And then we moved into an Italian house a considerable drive from the Support Site Chapel, where we spent a good portion of our waking Sunday hours during the school year since the AWANA clubs meet Sunday afternoons. Between making two round trips, attending church, plus being involved in AWANA...well, Sundays began to feel more like work than rest. I gave up and soon began getting our groceries on Sundays as well. Since we were making the trip to SS, we might as well hit up the commissary, right?!
So reading this book has been very timely. For one thing, summer has slowed down drastically because of the break in AWANA, allowing us to focus on Sundays as our actual rest days. We aren't sure what the coming school year will look like as Ted takes over the AWANA Commander position, but for now, we've been purposeful about NOT going grocery shopping on Sundays, preparing meals in advance (or making sure there are enough leftovers!), and spending quality time with each other (and with a pillow, ha!) during the afternoons.
There's more to it than simply resting or avoiding work, though, and that's where this blog post comes in. I wanted to try to capsulize some of the things I've been mulling over as a result of reading this book so that I can share them with Ted (and anyone else who feels they don't have time to read the whole book!). I think the easiest thing is to simply quote some passages that have stood out to me so far...
*****************
"We can be intentional without becoming institutional" (p. 11).
"If we rest from shopping, buying, or even writing a shopping list, we reject the idea, if only for a while, that we are what we buy. If we rest from our work, from endless meetings and tasks, we reject the idea, if only for a day, that our value lies in our accomplishments" (p. 30).
"We are never fully engaged, and we never take time to disengage" (p. 31).
"In resting, you experience the abundant grace of God, a lavish gift never earned, only received. His presence relieves our soul loneliness in a way that no one and no thing ever could" (p. 50).
[Quoting Mark Buchanan from his book The Rest of God]: "The Exodus command, with its call to imitation, plays on a hidden irony: we mimic God in order to remember we're not God. In fact, that is a good definition of Sabbath: imitating God so that we stop trying to be God" (p. 73).
"Keeping Sabbath is not only about ceasing but also about celebrating. How? By taking the time to do simple things you always say you mean to do but never have time for" (p. 79).
[Another quote from Mark Buchanan's book The Rest of God]: "Sabbath is not the break we're allotted at the tail end of completing all our tasks and chores, the fulfillment of all our obligations. It's the rest we take smack-dab in the middle of them, without apology, without guilt, and for no better reason than that God told us we could" (p. 80).
"Our workaholic tendencies are often driven by fear--that we will not have enough; that if we don't accomplish, we don't have value. Sabbath-keeping challenges us to experience the provision of God and the unearned love of God" (p. 104).
"It's not nicer or better to say yes, because every time you say yes, you're saying no. Saying yes to one thing means you've said no to alternatives. Choose your yeses carefully" (p. 127).
[Regarding mothers/women in particular]: "Ironically, because we don't think of what we do as work, we never stop working" (p. 130).
"At each breath, we take only as much as we need for that moment. We breathe in and breathe out....But then we pause. The pause, in a typical breathing pattern, is about as long as the inhalation and exhalation combined" (p. 139).
"The key to endurance and strength is resting--not just once a week but on a regular basis" (p. 139).
"You do not have to be an Olympic-level Sabbath-keeper. The Sabbath was made for people, Jesus said. It's a tool you can use to become healthier spiritually--more connected with the God who loves you, more peaceful, more joyful. Not perfectly any of those things. Just healthier" (p. 167).
*********************
I still have one chapter left in the book. Some things I appreciate about the opportunity to read and learn from Kent's Rest:
- Learning more cultural information about the hows and whys of Israel's Sabbaths.
- Some in-depth study about Jewish culture in both Old and New Testament time periods.
- Practical ideas from a variety of family types, from people in various seasons of life.
- Continual reassurance that there IS NO FORMULA!!
- A balanced perspective on keeping the Sabbath because it is a command that is given for our good while remembering the GOOD that comes from it, freeing the reader from legalistic burdens.
- Thought-provoking treatise on a variety of reasons for Sabbath-keeping...it's not simply "rest."
May 21, 2013
Of Rice, Beans, and Child Sponsorship
Over a year ago through some friends of ours I was introduced to Lahash International, an organization that partners with local ministries in Eastern Africa to "bring good news and holistic care to children in need." I read about the Main family's involvement with Lahash's Rice & Beans Month and couldn't help but be intrigued. I tucked away the idea for future reference and went on with my life...which at the time included waiting desperately for the last couple of months of a very long deployment to come to an end.
A few weeks after Ted's return from Afghanistan we ventured on a mega road trip that included serving at the Commission 2012 summer youth camp in Idaho, where I devoured a book called The Hole in Our Gospel during camp week. Richard Stearns, CEO of World Vision USA, is the author, so already I had an intrinsic desire to read the book--we've been child sponsors through World Vision since my college days. I'll write more at a later date about this book and the path it started me on (well, me and my dear hubby, who has been a fairly willing participant in my journey!), but I wanted to at least note the book here, because it definitely played a role in some steps our family began to take last fall.
Enter once again the Main family. We received a letter from them detailing a great adventure--three of them would be traveling to Uganda to meet with their sponsored boy! The team visit would coincide with the dedication of a new family-style house that would be home to a number of sponsored children and their care givers as well as a weekend camp-style retreat that volunteers were organizing for the kids. At the same time the Mains were raising funds for their travels, their son Daniel decided to do a fundraiser of his own to help raise money for the Amazing Grace Children's Home project. "Hoops for Homes" was a fun and inspired way for him to use his talent with a basketball and get his community involved in donating as well.
Cue our own family's interest and creativity...meanwhile, we were settling in a bit into life here in Italy, living in a two-bedroom apartment while waiting for a more permanent living situation to open up. With some extra time (if not space) on our hands, Charis decided to begin her own fundraiser, "Bears for Bricks." We cheered her on (and indulged her need to knit during school read-aloud time) as she knitted almost 40 bears. (As an aside...now that we've finished the fundraiser, I really have NO IDEA how much money she raised, but I'm so proud of her for sticking with it and carrying out her vision to make this happen!)
The more we read about the Main family's Uganda trip preparations, and the more we read about Lahash as an organization, the more convinced we became that our family needed to get in on the exciting things God has been doing in East Africa! In November we officially became sponsors of 5 children at AGCH, all of whom India, John, and Josiah got to meet when they went on their trip.
Sponsoring Godfrey, Jesca, Oliver, Morris, Kani, and (just recently) Sarah has been an incredible gateway for our kids' eyes to be opened to the vast needs in the world around us. Our kids have never truly known what it is to be "starving" (though they would argue that fact an hour before dinner). They have never lacked for clothing. They have never hurt for living space, despite a bigger-than-average family size. They don't have to walk anywhere to fetch water; they have hours of free time that in other parts of the world would find them slaving over basic survival tasks.
The J kids have connected with their new friends in East Africa by writing letters back and forth and seeing their pictures, both in the mail and online through blogs, Facebook groups, etc. When we learned that "our" kids were having to walk over a mile each way for decent water, we were motivated by love and concern to spread the word about Lahash's need for funds for drilling a well on the AGCH property. When we saw pictures of Godfrey and Jesca with the mattresses they received for Christmas--and when it dawned on the kids that this was the FIRST TIME these kids have been able to sleep comfortably on a regular basis--well, that was a powerful teaching moment. When we saw the smiles of Oliver, Morris, and Kani as they held up their backpacks or proudly modeled new clothes, we felt their joy while at the same time feeling somewhat ashamed of whatever our complaint-of-the-day happened to be.
So it seemed a natural step for our family to join with Lahash in observing Rice & Beans Month.
A few weeks after Ted's return from Afghanistan we ventured on a mega road trip that included serving at the Commission 2012 summer youth camp in Idaho, where I devoured a book called The Hole in Our Gospel during camp week. Richard Stearns, CEO of World Vision USA, is the author, so already I had an intrinsic desire to read the book--we've been child sponsors through World Vision since my college days. I'll write more at a later date about this book and the path it started me on (well, me and my dear hubby, who has been a fairly willing participant in my journey!), but I wanted to at least note the book here, because it definitely played a role in some steps our family began to take last fall.
Enter once again the Main family. We received a letter from them detailing a great adventure--three of them would be traveling to Uganda to meet with their sponsored boy! The team visit would coincide with the dedication of a new family-style house that would be home to a number of sponsored children and their care givers as well as a weekend camp-style retreat that volunteers were organizing for the kids. At the same time the Mains were raising funds for their travels, their son Daniel decided to do a fundraiser of his own to help raise money for the Amazing Grace Children's Home project. "Hoops for Homes" was a fun and inspired way for him to use his talent with a basketball and get his community involved in donating as well.
Cue our own family's interest and creativity...meanwhile, we were settling in a bit into life here in Italy, living in a two-bedroom apartment while waiting for a more permanent living situation to open up. With some extra time (if not space) on our hands, Charis decided to begin her own fundraiser, "Bears for Bricks." We cheered her on (and indulged her need to knit during school read-aloud time) as she knitted almost 40 bears. (As an aside...now that we've finished the fundraiser, I really have NO IDEA how much money she raised, but I'm so proud of her for sticking with it and carrying out her vision to make this happen!)
The more we read about the Main family's Uganda trip preparations, and the more we read about Lahash as an organization, the more convinced we became that our family needed to get in on the exciting things God has been doing in East Africa! In November we officially became sponsors of 5 children at AGCH, all of whom India, John, and Josiah got to meet when they went on their trip.
Sponsoring Godfrey, Jesca, Oliver, Morris, Kani, and (just recently) Sarah has been an incredible gateway for our kids' eyes to be opened to the vast needs in the world around us. Our kids have never truly known what it is to be "starving" (though they would argue that fact an hour before dinner). They have never lacked for clothing. They have never hurt for living space, despite a bigger-than-average family size. They don't have to walk anywhere to fetch water; they have hours of free time that in other parts of the world would find them slaving over basic survival tasks.
The J kids have connected with their new friends in East Africa by writing letters back and forth and seeing their pictures, both in the mail and online through blogs, Facebook groups, etc. When we learned that "our" kids were having to walk over a mile each way for decent water, we were motivated by love and concern to spread the word about Lahash's need for funds for drilling a well on the AGCH property. When we saw pictures of Godfrey and Jesca with the mattresses they received for Christmas--and when it dawned on the kids that this was the FIRST TIME these kids have been able to sleep comfortably on a regular basis--well, that was a powerful teaching moment. When we saw the smiles of Oliver, Morris, and Kani as they held up their backpacks or proudly modeled new clothes, we felt their joy while at the same time feeling somewhat ashamed of whatever our complaint-of-the-day happened to be.
So it seemed a natural step for our family to join with Lahash in observing Rice & Beans Month.
- Solidarity--joining with our friends around the world who don't have the options and variety that we enjoy in their food habits.
- Simplicity--getting rid of excesses and non-essentials so we can focus on what's really important.
- Sharing--simplifying our diets so that we can share our extra resources to help meet the nutritional needs of vulnerable children across East Africa.
I need to wrap this up...a delicious concoction known as "Dan's Ginger & Zucchini Beans" is simmering on the stove, and it's time for me to heat up some rice to go with it! In my next post, I'll write in detail about Rice & Beans Month...how our family is approaching it this year and some of our personal thoughts about the experience.
April 10, 2013
Sympathizing with Saul
This is a random, what-I-learned-during-my-quiet-time-this-morning post, simply because I was so struck by a "new" lesson in a familiar story. And by "new lesson" I mean "one that God has to keep re-teaching me" because I can be a stubborn fool!
Our read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year program this year has been The Message: Remix. Today's Old Testament reading was from 1 Samuel 13-15. Below is what I wrote in my prayer journal...
************
Oh, Father!
It seems so easy to judge Saul for not obeying you; yet when I read this version of the account of him making the sacrifice without Samuel--my heart trembles! I can just picture myself doing this! Sam doesn't show up when he said he would, soldiers are leaving left and right, the Philistines are closing in--oh, I can just see myself trying to control the situation, taking matters into my own hands. I like action. I don't like waiting! Especially when circumstances seem dire.
Wow. As I keep reading, I see a clear contrast between Saul and Jonathan. Jonathan was moved to action...he didn't want to sit around and wait, either! But, as he speaks to his armor bearer, he refers to God multiple times--God's deliverance, God's salvation, God's working. He proposes a course of action that involves a clear sign from God as to whether or not to proceed. Not surprisingly, God honors this approach!
Oh, Lord! Help me learn to wait on you first, not as a last resort! The desires you've given me are your desires. You will see them through to their completion. You don't need my help! Teach me to rest in you instead of frantically trying to make puzzle pieces fit together. The pieces I'm working with now may very well not yet include the ones I need! You will send what I need...when I need it.
Our read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year program this year has been The Message: Remix. Today's Old Testament reading was from 1 Samuel 13-15. Below is what I wrote in my prayer journal...
************
Oh, Father!
It seems so easy to judge Saul for not obeying you; yet when I read this version of the account of him making the sacrifice without Samuel--my heart trembles! I can just picture myself doing this! Sam doesn't show up when he said he would, soldiers are leaving left and right, the Philistines are closing in--oh, I can just see myself trying to control the situation, taking matters into my own hands. I like action. I don't like waiting! Especially when circumstances seem dire.
Wow. As I keep reading, I see a clear contrast between Saul and Jonathan. Jonathan was moved to action...he didn't want to sit around and wait, either! But, as he speaks to his armor bearer, he refers to God multiple times--God's deliverance, God's salvation, God's working. He proposes a course of action that involves a clear sign from God as to whether or not to proceed. Not surprisingly, God honors this approach!
Oh, Lord! Help me learn to wait on you first, not as a last resort! The desires you've given me are your desires. You will see them through to their completion. You don't need my help! Teach me to rest in you instead of frantically trying to make puzzle pieces fit together. The pieces I'm working with now may very well not yet include the ones I need! You will send what I need...when I need it.
March 26, 2013
Of Guilt and Rationalization
I recently read an excellent blog post that has circulated the Facebook world, A Letter to Young Mothers. The author expresses beautifully what I've been learning along my own parenting journey. It struck me, as I pondered the ups and downs of life as a parent, that instead of being content in the Room of Grace, I too often fluctuate between the extremes of guilt and rationalization. (See the excellent book The Cure for a treatise on pleasing God vs. trusting God, i.e. living in the Room of Good Intentions vs. living in the Room of Grace.)
Example: I've only exercised 5 days in a row the past two months because of sickness and lower back pain. I've all but given up on the idea of having a healthy body during this pregnancy, so I've been consuming alarming amounts of junk food. (Having an all-or-nothing personality isn't something I'm proud of...) Instead of allowing myself a treat now and then and enjoying it in an emotionally healthy manner, I alternately beat myself up with guilt for "blowing it" or rationalize to myself that I "deserved it." Neither extreme is a comfortable place to be--and the ironic thing is, any pleasure or comfort I may otherwise have received from my dark chocolate or my crunchy, salty chips ends up replaced by feelings of self-loathing (guilt) or attempted indifference (rationalization).
Yesterday morning I kind of had an epiphany of sorts--and it came in the framework of homeschooling. We’re floundering somewhat with Ted gone for a 6-week training class in the States. We are at the end of our American History curriculum but not quite ready to jump into our next Core. (I have a lot of organizing to do first!) So, as we wrap up some loose ends, counting down these last 20 or so days until Ted's return, I am just trying to hang on and survive while dealing with lower back pain, exhaustion, and the general chaos that exists in a house with 6 children and a pregnant, hormonal mom. Our regular daily schedule has been set aside and we literally take one day (moment even) at a time. I do not cope well with this type of living!
So Monday morning, as I was considering what I thought maybe the kids should do as far as schoolwork that day, I was praying, “Lord, what do YOU want us to get done today?” And I actually think I detected a note of exasperation in His reply! I can't type out a word-for-word response that I heard in my heart, but it was along the lines of…really, it doesn't matter WHAT you do [in the realm of math, language arts, etc.]! What matters is HOW you do it!
When we view eternity…when we’re living in God’s forever kingdom…will my kids have grown in the grace and knowledge of Jesus? Will they know that He loves them fiercely because I as their mom showed them such love? Will they have been empowered and equipped to carry the gospel to those who need it and to show love and compassion to everyone regardless of whether it’s easy or convenient?
THOSE are the things that are important. And I know that, and I tell myself that, and I tell others that (especially newer homeschooling moms), but I still find myself playing this guilt game over not having a clean enough house or an organized enough schedule or being “behind” in this or that. Behind according to whom or what?! Good grief. We've made life so complicated. It doesn't need to be. It shouldn't be.
So whether I eat dark chocolate...or drink coffee...or teach grammar...or wipe a dirty bottom...or tell a child for the 5th time to take his dirty dishes to the sink...or whatever I do...
...I want it to be all for the glory of God.
I want it to count for eternity.
I don't want to waste the moment wallowing in guilt.
I don't want to waste it rationalizing my choices.
Through Jesus Christ I am justified...sanctified...righteous and holy in His sight. Absolutely I still struggle with sin. But I dwell in the Room of Grace. And if my sovereign, holy God gives me grace...shouldn't I give myself some, too? And shouldn't I be eager to extend it to all those around me? Actually, it often seems easier to extend grace to everyone else except myself...and those closest to me. Why do I hold myself (and even my children) to a higher standard than I would expect of others? I suppose that could be a topic to explore another time...
In the meantime, I'm choosing, in these weeks of "flux," to focus less on the concrete tasks that I would typically write on my planner. Instead, I want to pursue some of those more elusive ideals of life. My to-do list might look something more like this:
No guilt over what isn't "being accomplished." No rationalizing my need for "alone time."
Example: I've only exercised 5 days in a row the past two months because of sickness and lower back pain. I've all but given up on the idea of having a healthy body during this pregnancy, so I've been consuming alarming amounts of junk food. (Having an all-or-nothing personality isn't something I'm proud of...) Instead of allowing myself a treat now and then and enjoying it in an emotionally healthy manner, I alternately beat myself up with guilt for "blowing it" or rationalize to myself that I "deserved it." Neither extreme is a comfortable place to be--and the ironic thing is, any pleasure or comfort I may otherwise have received from my dark chocolate or my crunchy, salty chips ends up replaced by feelings of self-loathing (guilt) or attempted indifference (rationalization).
Yesterday morning I kind of had an epiphany of sorts--and it came in the framework of homeschooling. We’re floundering somewhat with Ted gone for a 6-week training class in the States. We are at the end of our American History curriculum but not quite ready to jump into our next Core. (I have a lot of organizing to do first!) So, as we wrap up some loose ends, counting down these last 20 or so days until Ted's return, I am just trying to hang on and survive while dealing with lower back pain, exhaustion, and the general chaos that exists in a house with 6 children and a pregnant, hormonal mom. Our regular daily schedule has been set aside and we literally take one day (moment even) at a time. I do not cope well with this type of living!
So Monday morning, as I was considering what I thought maybe the kids should do as far as schoolwork that day, I was praying, “Lord, what do YOU want us to get done today?” And I actually think I detected a note of exasperation in His reply! I can't type out a word-for-word response that I heard in my heart, but it was along the lines of…really, it doesn't matter WHAT you do [in the realm of math, language arts, etc.]! What matters is HOW you do it!
When we view eternity…when we’re living in God’s forever kingdom…will my kids have grown in the grace and knowledge of Jesus? Will they know that He loves them fiercely because I as their mom showed them such love? Will they have been empowered and equipped to carry the gospel to those who need it and to show love and compassion to everyone regardless of whether it’s easy or convenient?
THOSE are the things that are important. And I know that, and I tell myself that, and I tell others that (especially newer homeschooling moms), but I still find myself playing this guilt game over not having a clean enough house or an organized enough schedule or being “behind” in this or that. Behind according to whom or what?! Good grief. We've made life so complicated. It doesn't need to be. It shouldn't be.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Cor. 10:31
So whether I eat dark chocolate...or drink coffee...or teach grammar...or wipe a dirty bottom...or tell a child for the 5th time to take his dirty dishes to the sink...or whatever I do...
...I want it to be all for the glory of God.
I want it to count for eternity.
I don't want to waste the moment wallowing in guilt.
I don't want to waste it rationalizing my choices.
Through Jesus Christ I am justified...sanctified...righteous and holy in His sight. Absolutely I still struggle with sin. But I dwell in the Room of Grace. And if my sovereign, holy God gives me grace...shouldn't I give myself some, too? And shouldn't I be eager to extend it to all those around me? Actually, it often seems easier to extend grace to everyone else except myself...and those closest to me. Why do I hold myself (and even my children) to a higher standard than I would expect of others? I suppose that could be a topic to explore another time...
In the meantime, I'm choosing, in these weeks of "flux," to focus less on the concrete tasks that I would typically write on my planner. Instead, I want to pursue some of those more elusive ideals of life. My to-do list might look something more like this:
- Sing of God's love to and with my kids
- Read more stories--Bible stories AND fairy tales
- Cuddle
- Tell my 10-year-old what an awesome kid I think he is
- Actually listen to my 4-year-old when he tells me the saga of the pirate ship he has built out of math blocks and Lincoln logs
- Dance with my 6-year-old in the kitchen
- Spend some alone time with my 12-year-old and give her a safe place to discuss what's on her heart
- Throw the football with my 9-year-old...assuming we can get it down from the ledge between our yard and the neighbors'. (Sigh.)
No guilt over what isn't "being accomplished." No rationalizing my need for "alone time."
Only grace...grace given, grace received.
December 08, 2012
30 Days of Thanksgiving
Last year I participated in the Facebook 30 Days of Thanksgiving challenge, posting one thing each day in November that I was thankful for. It was a delight to see this idea resurrected again--reading people's status updates was so uplifting! I decided to once again record my 30 days here on the blog. It's interesting to look back over the month--at the beginning, we were still in a state of semi-chaos, having just moved in, and toward the end we were enjoying a blessed time vacationing on the island of Capri!
So here is my list for 2012's 30 Days of Thanksgiving.
So here is my list for 2012's 30 Days of Thanksgiving.
Nov. 1:
Starting small :)
I am thankful for my steam mop and a CLEAN FLOOR (on the
ground level anyway).
Nov. 2
That feeling I get when I throw open the shutters (after
disabling the alarm system, of course), breathe in the fresh air, look around,
and think to myself, "I'm living in ITALY!"
That is what I'm thankful for today. :-)
Nov. 3
I'm thankful that this time it's only 13 days apart, not 13
months. And we're just over the halfway point.
(Hurry home, Ted! I miss you!!)
Nov. 4
Thankful for the right to vote, despite the hassles of
trying to get it done overseas. My vote may not be counted on November 6, but it
WILL be counted!
Nov. 5
I am thankful for the internet, which allows me to feel
close to family and friends who are in other countries (or even down the road).
(And an iPhone isn't bad, either. ;-)
Nov. 6
I am thankful for so many friends, family members, and
mentors who are so passionate about our country! I am grateful for freedoms
fought for and preserved, for opportunities to express my political opinions
without fear of retribution, and for blessings so abundant in our country that
we have plenty to spill over onto those who are in desperate need.
Nov. 7
I am thankful I get to share life with 6 precious, noisy,
messy, giggly, silly, amazing people--the children God has seen fit to bless me
with. Starting tomorrow I will give each one a spotlight, but today I thank God
for the whole crew!
Nov. 8
I am thankful for my sweet, cuddly,
still-crawling-but-close-to-finally-walking, 14-month-old Zaden Ezekiel. Though
young, he already has a testimony of God's grace, and I am so humbled and
grateful as I reflect on how Zaden's life and God's mercies are intertwined.
From his birth at the beginning of Ted's year-long deployment to his struggles
with eating and weight gain, God's hand in this boy's life is so evident. He is
still my big-eyed boy, taking in all the activity around him, sharing toothy
grins with his adoring fans but still preferring to snuggle on Mom's shoulder.
Since his name means "sower of seeds," I thank God in faith for the
seeds of the gospel that this little guy will sow in the hearts of those who
cross his path.
And my mommy friends who followed our journey will
understand my awe and delight in the fact that I still get to cuddle and nurse
this sweet boy every morning!
Nov. 9
I'm so grateful that God knows better than we do! I thought
the perfect thing in March 2009 would be to take the kids on a free vacation to
Hawaii (courtesy of Stampin' Up!). God gave us something that lasted a lot
longer than a vacation--He allowed Lucan Thaniel to join our family instead!
Lovable Lucan lives up to the meaning of his name ("light"), bringing
joy to our hearts and home. He loves Jesus, Veggie Tales, pirates, one ratty
stuffed dog named Doof, singing, humming, building, jumping, and snuggling. He
has his own time table and teaches me much about patience and gentleness. He
tells me multiple times a day, "Mommy, I just wuv you!"
Why did I ever think I wanted to go to Hawaii?! I can't
imagine our lives without our Lucan! Thank you, Lord, for this blessing!
Nov. 10
I’m thankful for Kenna Joelle, who arrived on the scene with
a bang and hasn’t stopped since. “Little
Miss Independent” often helps herself to whatever it is she wants; she is an
“ask forgiveness rather than permission” kind of a gal, which keeps me on my
toes! Kenna dances and prances just
about everywhere she goes, twirling around to the music in her head or to the
“demo” setting on our electric piano.
She loves princesses but can wield wooden swords with the older boys
while bossing them around, even though they are twice her size. She is loving and gentle with her little
brothers and insists that we have twin girls soon so the girls can “catch
up.” For all her zest, she has a tender,
sensitive heart and cries when she gets in trouble because she is genuinely
repentant. She loves Jesus, family,
friends, and soon-to-be friends, as she has never met a stranger. Thank you, Lord, for the breath of fresh air
that is my Kenna!
Nov. 11
I am thankful for my “gentle giant,” Arden Daniel. At 9 years old, he is bigger than his older
siblings but not too big for Mom’s hugs and cuddles! His tender, sensitive
spirit touches the hearts of those around him every day. He truly enjoys playing with his younger
siblings and works hard to include them and make them comfortable and happy. He loves to laugh and be silly but
continually amazes me with his thoughtful input during our Bible lessons and
discussions. His talent for engineering
is evident in the complex structures he builds out of whatever set of toys
happens to be on the floor (for Lucan to play with!) during our school reading
time, and his gift for memorization blesses me every time I hear him quote a
Scripture passage. I know God will use
Arden’s sensitivity to others’ needs to expand His kingdom and bring glory to
Himself, and I can’t wait to see what is in store for my boy!
Nov. 12
We interrupt the statuses sharing thankful thoughts about my
children. Tonight, I am extremely grateful that God allowed our paths to cross
with Stella, Emelia, and Salvatore! Our family is teaching 9-year-old Salvatore
English two days a week. This amounts to great fun for Tobin and Arden and
takes me back to my days of teaching English in Hungary! In exchange for our
"services," Stella, Emelia, and a co-worker clean our house once a
week. Today was our first lesson and the first time this house has been clean
top to bottom since long before we moved into it! And it took them less than
1.5 hours! Our family looks forward to building relationships with these dear
people that God brought into our life. I hope we bless them even half as much
as they have already blessed us!
Nov. 13
I am thankful for the chance to get a glimpse of what my
husband surely was like as he grew up—because Tobin Michael is so much like his
daddy! From his sharp wit and keen sense
of humor to the ability to lose himself in a good book (with a reading level
far above his age), from his blonde hair and blue eyes to slight stature that
is just bursting with the effort of waiting for that Growth Spurt that will
help him surpass his younger brother, this kid makes me laugh and keeps me on
my toes. He dearly loves to scare me out
of my wits or try to pull one over on me, but being married to his daddy for 15
years has taught me a thing or two!
Tobin is a wonderful big brother and a huge help with his younger
siblings, often reading stories to them or teaching them new games (and tricks,
ha!). He is just as quick with an
apology as he is with a pun, showing his tender heart as well as his preference
for keeping things light. I love seeing
the growth and maturity that is (finally!) happening in Tobin’s life and am
excited to see what God has in the years to come!
Nov. 14
I am so thankful for Charis Noelle. Stealing a line from a
friend of mine, I give this apt description: "Mature beyond her years and
innocent beyond her peers," Charis is indeed a gift of grace (the meaning
of her name). She capably handles the responsibilities of being the firstborn
of a larger family without complaining (too much!) and already has much wisdom
as a result of earnestly seeking the Lord. She is not only thoughtful and
creative but also thoughtfully creative, choosing to bless others with the many
gifts and talents God has given her. She is proving to be quite the little wit,
tossing off saucy quips that could only come from being Ted's daughter. At the
same time, there is no denying that she is my mini-me in too many ways to
count! We love to laugh, cook, read, and play together. I am so blessed by the
young woman that she is becoming and look forward to our relationship
developing into a deep friendship in the coming years.
Nov. 15
The last few days I have thanked God specifically for the
children He has placed in our family. Today I thank Him for the opportunity to
home educate these precious souls and the everyday blessings we experience
together.
Nov. 16
If you're reading this status, it's because I am thankful
for YOU! I can't make a list of what I am thankful for without being
overwhelmed by God's graciousness in bringing so many wonderful friends into
our lives. A bittersweet part of being a military family includes so many hellos
and goodbyes. The good thing is that we have such a diverse, far-reaching
network of dear people with whom to share life's joys and trials. The bad thing
is that we can't always share those things in person.
So I'll add a little P.S. to my day 16 thankfulness post:
Dear God, Thank you for Facebook and the internet. Amen.
Nov. 17
Was going to be thankful for my first real date night out
with my hubby since moving and the first time to enjoy a real Italian
restaurant. (Yes. Believe it or not, we have not yet eaten out in Italy!)
But...........
"Give thanks in all circumstances..."
So. Instead. I am thankful that we never lack for food,
homemade or restaurant prepared. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband
with whom I adore spending time, whether out on the town or curled on the
couch. And I am thankful that our quality time together does not depend on
everything always going our way. (Thank goodness!)
And let's not forget to thank the good Lord for the ability
to download episodes of Downton Abbey so we can have something to enjoy
together.
Nov. 18
I am thankful beyond words for the capital C Church. No
matter where in the world we live, God always puts us with a local body of
Christ so we can worship, fellowship, learn, and serve together. Believers in
Christ are my forever family, and I'm so glad we get to have all of eternity
together!
Nov. 19
I am thankful for the living and active Word of God, an
unchanging revelation of our holy and eternal God, a God who loves us with an
everlasting love. I am thankful that
true wisdom can be found in the pages of Scripture, that there is purpose and
unity in this most sacred and awesome story, and that there is absolutely
nothing we face that Scripture does not speak to. I am thankful for parents who taught me to
reverence and hunger for the words of life and for all those who have encouraged
me to memorize verses and passages that are now as much a part of me as
physical DNA.
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.” John 1:1
Nov. 20
I am thankful for my godly parents who will have been
married 40 years this December! What a
legacy they have given to my brother and me and in turn to their
grandchildren! I am so grateful for
their sacrifice and commitment to our Christian education and for how they have
lived out their faith in good times and in bad.
I am thankful for all the fun family memories we have from growing up
and road tripping all over the U.S. I am
thankful for the way they fueled my passion for reading and learning and for
how they have supported me in the various whims that catch my fancy, whether
big or small. I am thankful that they
have never said, “What?! You’re having
ANOTHER baby?!” when we’ve announced our pregnancies but that they have
celebrated with us joyously as God has expanded our family. I am thankful that I can talk to Mom or Dad
about anything on my heart and they listen without judgment, and I am SO
thankful for the thousands upon thousands of prayers that I KNOW have arisen
from their hearts on my and my own family’s behalf!
I love you, Mom and Dad!!!!
Nov. 21
I am so thankful for our current assignment! A year ago we
were slogging our way through a deployment, and all I wanted was for our family
to be together...anywhere. But God, in His infinite mercy and grace, blessed us
with the opportunity to experience life abroad. Our adventures are just
beginning!
Nov. 22
A month ago today we moved into our Italian casa! I am so thankful for God’s provision of the
perfect home for our family. He has led
us all over the world, and we have always had a place to live that has been
just right for us. As God has blessed
us, we pray we can bless others through the gift of hospitality, sharing our
home, food, and fellowship as often as possible.
Nov. 23
I'm thankful for the breathtaking
beauty of God's creation and the opportunity to explore a small part of it with
my family.
Nov. 24
I am thankful beyond words for the amazing gift God gave me
in my husband Ted! He is my best friend, my partner in crime, my
forever and always love, my joy, my laughter, my shoulder to lean or cry on, my
prayer partner, my encourager, my fellow adventurer, my whole world (on this
earth). 15 years and counting...and the best is yet to come!
Nov. 25
I am thankful for rest.
Nov. 26
I'm thankful for my one and only sibling, my
"little" brother John. While I thought he was a pest during
our growing up years, we got a lot closer after I moved out and went to college
(go figure!). We don't get to see each other very often, but I love him and I'm
proud of him!
Nov. 27
I am very, very thankful for wonderful in-laws! I love my
extended family and am so grateful for their prayers and support as well as the
privilege of praying for and supporting them. I am very thankful for the
amazing mother-in-love God gave me in Rhonda and for the close
relationship we share. I am thankful for the privilege of knowing Jim and
seeing the impact he made on his family and community before God called him to
heaven. And I am thankful for the brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews
and cousins and aunts and uncles that have appeared in my family tree through
marriage!
Nov. 28
As this month of thanksgiving draws to a close, I want to
take these last few days to attempt to put into words the gratitude in my heart
for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Today I am so thankful for His
sacrifice--for His humility in coming to earth, God in flesh, forsaking the
riches of heaven to embrace poverty for our sake, becoming obedient until
death: the death required as a once-and-for-all sacrifice to atone for sins.
The amazing, overwhelming love He has for us continues to take my breath away; oh,
Jesus, may I never take for granted what we sing to our little ones every
night: "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so."
Nov. 29
I am thankful that God never changes. He is the same
yesterday, today, and forever. His Word is timely and timeless; His Truth is
everlasting and never needs revised or updated.
Nov. 30
I am thankful for the eternal hope we have through Jesus
Christ. We can look forward to
everlasting life and joy with our Creator; this anticipation helps me have a
wiser and more thoughtful perspective of the temporal things related to life on
earth. It gives me purpose and meaning
for the time God has given me, for I know He created me for a reason. Oh, that I may be worthy of the calling I
have received.
September 21, 2012
Loooong Week
Obviously God knew we'd need Sunday's message to prepare us for a week of refining! There's nothing quite like on-the-job, seat-of-your-pants training, and Ted has had oodles of that during a week of NATO exercise activity that has had him away from home 14-15 hours every day. I'm not sure when the last time was that he actually saw Zaden; yesterday I had Lucan take a long nap so that he could stay up late and have Daddy tuck him in bed.
The exercise ends tomorrow (Saturday). Thankfully Ted is getting Monday off to receive delivery of our express shipment, so we'll actually have a two-day weekend of sorts! Charis and I were originally planning to go on a USO tour of the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel on Saturday, but unfortunately the tour was cancelled because not enough people signed up. We are extremely disappointed--as is Ted, who now has to work after all, LOL. (His boss was going to give him the day off since we had signed up for the tour almost a month ago.)
The combined effects of an exhausting, almost-single-parenting week plus not having the tour to look forward to have admittedly affected my attitude. I'm climbing the walls in this little apartment, tripping over toys and piles of library books and desperate for counter space for the never-ending job of feeding bellies that never seem to get full. I struggle to remind myself that God's purposes in bringing us to Italy are not solely for our traveling pleasure or cultural enrichment--they are for shaping and molding us into Christ's image. I'm sure there will be plenty of fun and entertainment along the way...I have pictures of some of those experiences already! But ultimately we need the reminder that life is not all about us. If it were, this week would be a severe disappointment!
The exercise ends tomorrow (Saturday). Thankfully Ted is getting Monday off to receive delivery of our express shipment, so we'll actually have a two-day weekend of sorts! Charis and I were originally planning to go on a USO tour of the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel on Saturday, but unfortunately the tour was cancelled because not enough people signed up. We are extremely disappointed--as is Ted, who now has to work after all, LOL. (His boss was going to give him the day off since we had signed up for the tour almost a month ago.)
The combined effects of an exhausting, almost-single-parenting week plus not having the tour to look forward to have admittedly affected my attitude. I'm climbing the walls in this little apartment, tripping over toys and piles of library books and desperate for counter space for the never-ending job of feeding bellies that never seem to get full. I struggle to remind myself that God's purposes in bringing us to Italy are not solely for our traveling pleasure or cultural enrichment--they are for shaping and molding us into Christ's image. I'm sure there will be plenty of fun and entertainment along the way...I have pictures of some of those experiences already! But ultimately we need the reminder that life is not all about us. If it were, this week would be a severe disappointment!
September 16, 2012
Refined
This morning our new chaplain spoke at the contemporary Protestant worship service we attend on base. After hearing two of his sermons, I can tell we will be challenged to grow deeper in our faith and understanding of God's Word under his leadership.
His current series is on Ephesians. Today the part that stood out to me involved the analogy of a silversmith refining silver. I've heard many times before that God uses trials to refine us, to get rid of impurities and shape us, the way silver and gold is refined in the fire. But I loved how today's story ended. The question for the silversmith was, "How do you know you are finished removing the impurities?" In other words, "When is the refining process over?"
The answer? "When I can see my likeness as I look into the reflection."
God is refining His children, and He won't stop until He looks inside and sees His reflection--the image of Christ. What a beautiful reminder that in the middle of the "heat" of life, when all of our imperfections are being driven to the surface because of the fires we are facing, our heavenly Refiner is carefully stirring our hearts, making us more like our Savior.
The practical application I took away from this is that our family is no longer in a season of "dramatic" fire; a year ago we were in the fiery furnace with Ted being on the other side of the world and me struggling to nurse Baby Zaden and keep my family together. Now, we are physically together--and experiencing a bit more togetherness than we might like, LOL!
Living in a small apartment is definitely causing our impurities to come to the surface. We bicker and argue. We complain and moan. We sigh and accuse. We misunderstand one another. We annoy each other (sometimes even on purpose!). We daily come face to face with our sinful, selfish human nature. We yearn for the day when we will move into a larger house, surrounded by all of the possessions that make us comfortable and happy.
And yet...will we really be comfortable and happy simply because we have more elbow room? Life might be "easier," but will we be forced to do the hard work of living peaceably together if we can simply walk away to another room?
That's a bit uncomfortable, isn't it? The fact is, living "squished" is a much better means of refining those impurities. I have many more occasions to choose to speak with a loving and gentle tone. The children have more opportunities to choose to share their few toys. We all have more chances to humble ourselves and show honor and preference to others.
When I think about it, there is more room to show love, mercy, and grace in a small house than in a large one!
His current series is on Ephesians. Today the part that stood out to me involved the analogy of a silversmith refining silver. I've heard many times before that God uses trials to refine us, to get rid of impurities and shape us, the way silver and gold is refined in the fire. But I loved how today's story ended. The question for the silversmith was, "How do you know you are finished removing the impurities?" In other words, "When is the refining process over?"
The answer? "When I can see my likeness as I look into the reflection."
God is refining His children, and He won't stop until He looks inside and sees His reflection--the image of Christ. What a beautiful reminder that in the middle of the "heat" of life, when all of our imperfections are being driven to the surface because of the fires we are facing, our heavenly Refiner is carefully stirring our hearts, making us more like our Savior.
The practical application I took away from this is that our family is no longer in a season of "dramatic" fire; a year ago we were in the fiery furnace with Ted being on the other side of the world and me struggling to nurse Baby Zaden and keep my family together. Now, we are physically together--and experiencing a bit more togetherness than we might like, LOL!
Living in a small apartment is definitely causing our impurities to come to the surface. We bicker and argue. We complain and moan. We sigh and accuse. We misunderstand one another. We annoy each other (sometimes even on purpose!). We daily come face to face with our sinful, selfish human nature. We yearn for the day when we will move into a larger house, surrounded by all of the possessions that make us comfortable and happy.
And yet...will we really be comfortable and happy simply because we have more elbow room? Life might be "easier," but will we be forced to do the hard work of living peaceably together if we can simply walk away to another room?
That's a bit uncomfortable, isn't it? The fact is, living "squished" is a much better means of refining those impurities. I have many more occasions to choose to speak with a loving and gentle tone. The children have more opportunities to choose to share their few toys. We all have more chances to humble ourselves and show honor and preference to others.
When I think about it, there is more room to show love, mercy, and grace in a small house than in a large one!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)